im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
