I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
