I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
