You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
