They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
