she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
