I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
