I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
