you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
