yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
