return my video game
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I will be naked everywhere
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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