med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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