It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
