Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
