Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
