It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
