What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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