Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Randomize
