if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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