if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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