i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
