Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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