I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
