I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize