I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
