I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
