I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
