Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
