Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
