Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
