he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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