We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
