Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize