yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
