I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
