Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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