my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
