Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
