I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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