i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
