She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
