from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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