hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
