I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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