nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
