8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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