hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
