your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
