the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
