God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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