Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
