I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
