So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
