You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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