I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
