Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
