ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
