Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
