Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
