Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
