Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
