respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
