so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
