You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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