Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize